Warmer Than a Warm Waffle

07.02.2020 |

Episode #3 of the course How to be popular and have everyone like you by Sofia Santiago


Are you ready to learn easy-to-implement techniques to increase your warmth and be more likable? You’ll do that today!

Let me start by telling you how Joe Girard capitalized on his warmth to become a millionaire.

Joe Girard made hundreds of thousands of dollars a year selling cars—in Detroit, of all places.

Joe sold, on average, more than five Chevrolets per day. He’s in the Guinness Book of World Records as “the greatest car salesman.” In an interview, Joe shared the secret of his success: having clients like him.

Every month, Joe sent his 13,000-plus former clients a card with a printed message: “I like you.” The card varied each month (“Happy Holidays,” “Happy Valentines,” etc.), but the message was always the same: “I like you.”

Joe combined the mere exposure effect with flattery. (In Lesson 7, you’ll learn how to use the mere exposure effect to have people like you more.)



Influence-expert Robert Cialdini says, “We are phenomenal suckers for flattery. Although there are limits to our gullibility—especially when we’re sure the flatterer is trying to manipulate us—we tend, as a rule, to believe praise and to like those who provide it.”

If you were one of Joe’s clients, wouldn’t you have realized that he was sending you the same impersonal card he was sending to thousands of other people? And that his purpose was to sell you a car? You likely would have. Still, the next time you or someone you knew wanted a new car, Joe would be your man.

Rather than flatter others for money, give them sincere compliments at random times.

There’s always something that you can praise someone about: Don’t wait until they win a Pulitzer. Compliments based on their achievements are more powerful than those based on their looks or on something they didn’t have to work for. Be creative.

Let’s discuss other behaviors that’ll make you warmer than a warm waffle.


Display Warm Behaviors

Develop the habit of displaying organizational citizenship behaviors (OCBs). OCBs are the kind of things that you’d like everyone in your organization to do but that cannot be enforced just by listing them in job descriptions.

Behavior Example
Help others. “Hey, want help filing?”
Perform spontaneous acts of kindness. “Want a cookie?”
Show your concern about their wellbeing. “How’s your wife recovering?”
Proudly tweet a supportive email from your boss. “Jana said I can bring Tommy to the office on National Bring Your Child to Work Day! #GreatBoss”
Show gratitude to others. “Honey, thank you for cooking dinner!”
Be friendly. “Hahaha, that was funny!”
Be forgiving. “I’m glad we talked and resolved our differences. Let’s move on.”


Display Warm Body Language

According to social psychologist Amy Cuddy and her colleagues at Harvard Business School, warmth is expressed through body language that indicates positive interest or engagement.

To project warmth, you should:

• Lean forward.

• Nod (but neither too much nor too fast—you don’t want to seem like a people-pleaser or a bubblehead).

• Orient your body toward the other person.

• Move your hands in a relaxed and non-intrusive way (don’t point at them).

• If appropriate, briefly touch them in the elbow or shoulder.

• Flash Duchenne smiles.

Duchenne smiles, natural or voluntary, are genuine smiles. They involve the contraction of two sets of muscles: the one that raises the corners of the mouth and the one that raises the cheeks and forms wrinkles around the eyes.

Duchenne smiles:

• reflect happiness and wellbeing

• elicit positive responses, such as pleasure and empathy

• affect how we see ourselves

• increase enjoyment and positive mood (people forced to smile become happier, an effect known as “facial feedback”)

• are contagious

When you smile at someone, you start a feedback loop: You smile, they feel pleasure and bond with you, they smile, and (via facial feedback) they feel happier, which reinforces feelings of warmth and connection between the two of you.

People who exhibit warm non-verbal behaviors are perceived as friendlier and more likable than those who don’t.


Learn to be Nicely Assertive

For more information on this, check out my bestselling book on conflict management and assertive communication. In it, I present the strategies to become nicely assertive that make people more likable—and more likely to get what they want. (Don’t let the title fool you; it’s not just for women.)

Follow my advice, and you’ll soon be warmer than a kitchen with mulled wine on the stove and fresh chocolate chip cookies in the oven!

See you tomorrow, when you’ll learn what you need to do so people see you as a competent ally they want in their lives!


P.S. I like you!


Recommended reading

101 Easy Ideas for Random Acts of Kindness


Recommended book

Difficult Conversations Just for Women: Kill The Anxiety. Get What You Want. by Sofia Santiago


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