Betting on Yourself
Episode #10 of the course Control your emotions, control your life by Dr. Sofia Santiago
In Lesson 9, you learned about keeping your fears and worries at bay. In this lesson, I’ll introduce you to the most powerful emotional control strategy of all: betting on yourself.
“Betting on yourself” is not just a positive, inspirational thought—it’s actually an emotional control strategy that’s part of the STAR™ group.
“Betting on yourself” means that, instead of reappraising a situation, you reappraise your capacity to manage it.
A lot of people might say “believe in yourself” but “betting on yourself” takes this to the next level, because you’re not just believing you can do something— you’re willing to take that bet that you will achieve it. And that’s something spectacular.
You’ve Got This!
Here’s how to use this technique:
Before the emotion arises: If a negative emotion hasn’t fully developed but you notice it’s coming, creeping upwards like a dragon out of its den, tell yourself “I’ve got this” before allowing the negative emotion to become a full-blown angry dragon flame attack.
After you’ve started feeling the emotion: If the negative emotion is already underway (in that you are already stressed, angry, or sad), take a breath. Press the pause button, and before you act on the emotion tell yourself “I’ve got this.”
Use the phrase “I’ve got this” as your cue to become aware that you may be underestimating yourself, so you need to reappraise your abilities and bet on yourself.
Place Your Bets
Let’s say you’re stressed because you’re behind in your yearly sales quota. Well, remind yourself that you can try new prospecting techniques to catch up or that you’ve been behind in the past and have managed to come out of the hole successfully. Heck, remind yourself that your track record for surviving despite difficulties is 100% so far! Tell yourself, “I’ve got this,” and start cold-calling potential clients.
Maybe you start getting angry, face flushed because you burned dinner, and your guests will arrive any minute. We all mess up the cooking here and there. Remind yourself that you are resourceful enough to give your friends a great experience anyway. Stop yelling pointlessly at the oven, and use that energy to order a take-out. Tell yourself, “I’ve got this,” and get ready to have a good time.
Jump In!
Listen, it’s normal to have self-doubts. Even people who look like they have nothing to be insecure about, feel insecure.
In fact, we can look at the lives of a lot of celebrities, and if we scrutinize them closely, we realize they are all struggling with their own self-doubt. Kim Kardashian, Megan Fox, Alexander Skarsgard, Sandra Bullock, Meghan Markle—you name them. Ryan Reynolds, for instance, has admitted that he feels insecure about his looks. His looks! If you’ve seen him, I need to say no more; but I will anyway: this is a man who has been named by People Sexiest Man Alive and who has been included by Hello! Canada on its list of 50 Most Beautiful Canadian Stars! [1]
Reece Witherspoon, the Academy Award-winning American actress who’s among the highest-paid actresses in the world, named one of the 100 most influential people in the world by Time magazine, and who’s been listed among the World’s 100 Most Powerful Women by Forbes has self-doubts! But read what she’s said:
“I see [fear] as this little creature that lives in my life all the time, and I can either pay it attention and not get anything done or I can march ahead and ignore it… sometimes I just have to jump two feet into a cold pool and go, OK, I believe in myself enough. I know I work hard. I know I can always bet on myself.”
So the question is, will you jump in, follow Reece’s lead, and bet on yourself?
Henry Ford Has Something to Tell You
Henry Ford, the man who created the Model T automobile in 1908 and developed the assembly line mode of production that revolutionized the automotive industry, said this: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.”
And when it comes to emotional regulation, science has confirmed Ford’s wisdom. Studies show that people who believe they can control their emotions are successful at doing it. And people who believe they can’t control their emotions—well, they just can’t.
Which do you want to be?
Let’s wrap up this course with a quick two-question self-assessment. You now have the tools to manage your emotions in a healthy way—Do you believe you can do it? Will you take that bet on yourself?
You betcha you will!
In the next (bonus) lesson you’ll get your emotional regulation cheat-sheet.
Sofia
Recommended book
Work cited
[1] Lipson, Debra (2017). 20 Celebs You’d Never Guess Are Insecure. Celebrity
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