How to Deal with Each Type
Episode #3 of the course Handling difficult people by Chris Croft
Welcome to Lesson 3!
You’ll remember from Lesson 2 yesterday that if you combine the two scales, introvert to extrovert and facts to emotions, you’ll get four types of people who do not get along well with each other across the diagonals. But do the opposite types need each other? Of course, yes! We’ll talk about this today.
The first thing you need to understand is that each of us can benefit from working or even just communicating with the opposite type, even though we may consider them difficult. Let’s take a closer look.
Imagine Analytical and Enthusiast going on vacation together. The Analytical will check the flight times: “Do we need a visa, have we packed everything?” Thank goodness for them! Meanwhile, the Enthusiast will book that rock climbing adventure, pulling the Analytical out of their comfort zone and getting them to have fun. They are the person with the creative vision, the one who inspires the team. Even though the Enthusiast may seem like a difficult person to the Analytical, and the Enthusiast will in turn regard the Analytical person as negative and overly cautious, they can use each other’s strengths to complement their own weaknesses.
Similarly, the Amiable needs the Controller to make those tough decisions and do the unpleasant tasks, while the Controller needs the Amiable to notice that people are unhappy and to do the diplomatic tasks.
However, the opposite types can benefit from communicating with each other only if they appreciate each other’s gifts. So, let’s learn how to do this.
How to Deal with Each Type
The first type is the Analytical person: quiet and logical—think the classic engineer or accountant. They may seem difficult because they are fussy, want lots of detail, and need time to make decisions. But they are clever, organized and hard working. Deal with them by giving plenty of information and logical reasons for what you want.
The second type is the outgoing logical person, the Controller. They may seem difficult because they are impatient and sometimes forget to think about people’s feelings. But they get things organized and sort out problems really well. Deal with them by preparing and just giving them the key facts.
Next is the outgoing emotional person, the Enthusiast. They may seem difficult because they are disorganized and rush into decisions without thinking things through—they can seem like big children sometimes. But they are inspiring and positive and fun. Deal with them by showing them how exciting the result of your suggestion can be and offering to do the details for them.
Finally, we have the Amiable, who is the quiet but emotional person. They may seem difficult because they don’t want to make decisions and they worry a lot. But they do care, and they have great intuition for how others are feeling. Make them happy by taking some time with them and showing that everybody will be fine.
Don’t worry too much about which type you are; the main thing is to work out what OTHER people are and deal with them in the language they want to hear, so they can be comfortable with you.
Homework: Think about who you know in each of the four types and how you could adapt your style in order to work with them in the best possible way.
Tomorrow, we’ll look at aggressive people. I’ll see you then!
Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life by Mark Goulston
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