Foster a Positive and Motivating Environment
Yesterday, I introduced you to different steps of how you can prevent conflict. Today, in our last lesson, we will look at why fulfilling people’s desires in positive ways play a big role in creating a positive, motivating environment.
To prevent conflicts from happening, we must create a motivating environment where individuals can create a good day, which is one where individuals know they make a difference, where they feel that they matter, that they belong, and can contribute.
Every human being (regardless of gender, age, race, culture, etc.) has the same six desires (or needs) and is driven to satisfy all of them. This is valid in all different areas of our life such as business, family, relationships, and the way we spend our spare time. The priority on any of these desires will be different depending on the part of your life, but for you to be fulfilled in these individual areas, all deepest desires have to be met. The question is, are we able to fulfill them in a resourceful way that will give us a feeling of fulfillment and happiness – OR – in an unresourceful way that creates conflict and stress.
The 6 Cs
Certainty (Safety / Comfort). Certainty is a fundamental survival instinct; we all need it in our life. We want to feel safe, comfortable and in control to avoid pain and experience pleasure. Those with a deep need for certainty do their best to avoid chaos and the unexpected. As we learned in the “circle of influence” in Lesson 4, we must ask ourselves: Are we seeking certainty in our environment (controlling others) or through self-belief and confidence? The answer to this question determines the quality of our lives!
Change (Variety / Uncertainty / Adventure). The flip side of certainty is our need for change or variety. Whilst we need some level of certainty to function, we also need some level of uncertainty. If things are too predictable for too long, we get bored and could possibly end up in depression due to the self-created lack of choice. We must spice things up on a physical and emotional level to feel variety and adventure, and encourage ourselves to bring the new, the stimulation, the unknown, and sometimes disorderly into our lives.
Celebrated (Significance). Every person needs to feel special, important, and wanted. We can celebrate (experience significance) by building or achieving something. Or on the flip side, we can feel significant by tearing something or someone else down which drives us to assert ourselves as individuals, look out for our own interests and put our ego first. To satisfy this desire we find ways to be celebrated, feel important, unique, or special, prove our self-worth, and can sometimes be judgmental of others.
Connection. Everyone needs a connection with other beings. We need to feel appreciated and touched in order to survive, and in this sense, the connection is the ultimate survival instinct and resides deep in our core. This is equally valid in family and partner relationships as it is in business and our relationships with colleagues. The need for connection is represented by the human desire to communicate with, relate to, and receive love from those around us. To meet this need, we are motivated to share and develop relationships with others.
Challenge (Growth). If we challenge ourselves and grow, our self-worth and confidence increase, we feel more certainty and experience more variety, and we are generally feeling good. If we are not growing, we feel as if shrinking and being “stuck in a rut”. Through development and learning, we fulfill the need for growth in our lives. This desire is what compels us to mature and evolve emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.
“Are you green and growing or ripe and rotting?” —Ray Kroc
Contribution. Giving to others beyond ourselves causes our own problems to fade and creates a pathway to fulfillment and happiness. Our need for contribution is manifested in our desire to serve those around us and give rather than simply receive. Everything in the universe contributes beyond itself or else is eliminated. Through the contribution of our energy, time, attention, focus, money, etc. to our partner, family, friends, co-workers, and society as a whole, we extend who we are.
If we can create a healthy balance of certainty (safe & secure environment) and variety (projects, hobbies), provide the people around us with significance (praise, acknowledgment) and foster positive connection (belonging), as well as fostering growth (personal development, reading) and contribute to a common goal, we have created a very harmonious environment.
My top tip for the day: Being proactive in preventing conflicts in your environment is the key. And it starts with self-leadership. What actions will you take today to fulfill the desires and needs of those people around you?
“Knowing is not enough. We must apply. Willing is not enough. We must do.” —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Thank you for allowing me to share my conflict management knowledge with you over the last ten days. I wish you all the best with the implementation of the various concepts and methods and encourage you to regularly go back and revisit some or all of the lessons.
“Dare to make a difference!”
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