Change the Conversation in Your Head

09.03.2023 |

Episode #4 of the course 10 Strategies to Overcome Your Everyday Fears by Frank McKinley


Welcome to Lesson 4!

The fact that you’re still here after the first three lessons means you’re serious about overcoming fear and building your courage. Congratulations!

What happens when you’re afraid?

If you’re in danger, you feel yourself tightening up. You tell yourself “Oh, my! I’m gonna die!” Then you run faster than ever. You might set a personal speed record!


Communication Is Always Happening

Tony Robbins, in his book Unlimited Power, says we communicate in two ways.

First, there is the way we communicate with those around us—with body language, verbal tonality, and words. We also share our emotions and the mental state we’re in. This is external communication.

The second way we communicate is internally. This is the conversation you have with yourself. It’s how you motivate yourself to outrun that angry dog. And it’s the pep talk you give yourself before a big presentation.

What you say there matters! You might not believe what other people say, but you always believe yourself.

When you’re in danger, you encourage yourself to get out alive, no matter what it costs you. Why not adopt a similar attitude when you’re just nervous but your life is not at stake?


Your Communication Is the Cause That Sets Your Life in Motion

Everything that happens to you starts somewhere.

It can be in the words you say to someone, and how you say those words. When you asked your spouse to marry you, you gathered all your best resources to persuade them to say yes, didn’t you? There were also weeks, months, and maybe years of communication that brought you to that moment.

When you talk to yourself, you sell yourself on what you really believe. What do you think you’re capable of? It will fill the conversation you have in your head.

Is it moving you to where you want to be, or making your life miserable?

If you’re miserable, you need to give yourself a better goal to strive for. Want to make more money, or have better relationships? Write it down. Make it specific. Say, “I want to go on 2 more dates per month with my spouse.” Or “I want to make $10,000 more this year than last.” Maybe you say “I want to learn to speak French.”

Be specific. Give it a deadline. Imagine yourself accomplishing that goal, every day. The mental movie you create will motivate you. Then your inner chatter will turn from “life is miserable” or “I can’t do this” to a pep talk filled with reasons why you can—and why you will!


Challenge the Negative Chatter

We all have doubts.

When the voice in your head goes negative, don’t just accept it as truth. Challenge it!

Here’s an example.

Voice: I’ll never get this right.

You: Never? That’s a lot of failure. You can’t possibly fail every time, can you?

Voice: Maybe not, but most of the time I do.

You: That’s not true. You do things successfully every day. You make it to work without having a wreck. You don’t make enemies every time you talk to someone.

Voice: Okay, maybe that is true.

You: It is true! You can do this. You can succeed. You have what it takes, or you’ll find it.


Be Your Own Best Friend

There are enough critics in the world already. Give yourself regular pep talks and courage will grow, every day!

In our next lesson, you’ll learn how seeing the future you want is crucial to creating it. See you there!


Recommended books

Unlimited Power: The New Science Of Personal Achievement by Anthony Robbins

The Confidence Gap: From Fear to Freedom by Dr. Russ Harris


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