Turn People On
Episode #1 of the course Scientifically proven ways to increase your influence by Vanessa Van Edwards
I’m delighted to have you as part of our course: 10 Scientifically Proven Steps to Increase Your Influence.
Do any of these situations sound familiar to you?
• You’re incredibly talented, but you can’t land your dream career
• You’re an awesome catch, but you can’t find the right partner
• You seem to have enough, but you always feel like something is missing from your life
Whether you’re in business, social situations, or the dating world, influence is critical.
Luckily, we can help. And I promise, this ain’t your mama’s self-help.
The Answer: Sexy Science Meets Self-Help
In this course, we’re going to teach you 10 scientifically backed ways to increase your influence in an authentic, practical, and entertaining way. Let’s do it!
I want you to turn people on.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, get your mind out of the gutter. I mean mentally turn people on. Influence is about stimulating people to think and feel in new and exciting ways. Challenging people and getting their creative juices flowing makes you positively irresistible. Let’s dive in.
Molecular biologist John Medina found that our brains are easily bored and need constant stimulation to stay engaged.
The best way to intrigue, influence, and impact someone is to get their dopamine pumping.
Dopamine is the neurotransmitter released when we experience pleasure or win a contest. In other words, dopamine floods our brains when we feel good.
The best part? Seth J. Gillihan found that one could easily trigger dopamine with the right thoughts and interactions.
You should be a dopamine junkie.
When you interact with people, relentlessly find topics that tickle their brain’s pleasure centers. If you can activate people’s mental reward networks, you will be the most memorable person in every room. Here’s how.
Abandon boring social scripts
You know when you go to a party and everyone asks the same questions over and over again? They’re typically “What do you do?” and “Where are you from?”
I know this is scary, but I want you to throw those questions into a smelly pit of burning sewage. Ok, that might be a bit extreme, but you get the idea.
I want you to Stop. Being. Boring.
With every strategy, I will offer you one challenge. For this challenge, I want you to break out of your comfort zone and milk yourself some dopamine.
I challenge you to abandon social scripts and start using dopamine-worthy conversation starters.
We’ve got an awesome list of killer conversation starters that will help you have a dazzling and sparkling conversation with anyone you meet:
1. Tell me about you.
2. What’s your story?
3. What personal passion project are you working on right now?
4. Working on anything exciting lately?
5. How do you know the host?
If you feel a little awkward asking personal questions right out of the gate, use your environment and surroundings to create conversation. Comment on the food and drinks. Ask about the venue or location. You can also ask general interest questions, like their favorite sports team or YouTube video.
6. What are you doing this weekend?/What’s your favorite thing to do on weekends?
7. What are your favorite restaurants around here?
8. Keeping up with (sport) recently?
9. Can you recommend any unique cocktails here?
10. All the food looks so good—I’m not sure what to get! What are you thinking? Or what have you tried?
Be bold. Ask the deep stuff. As the majority of our new conversations hover on surface-level topics, it’s refreshing to talk about more meaningful areas of our lives. These may be a bit forward as your first questions, but if the conversation is progressing well, try one or two of these out.
11. What’s your biggest fear?
12. If you had to pick any character in a book, movie, or TV show who is most similar to you, who would you choose? Why?
13. What’s your biggest regret?
14. When you were growing up, what was your dream job? Is any part of that still true?
Next time you want to be remembered, use these to provoke interesting and unique interactions with those around you. This gets the dopamine flowing, challenges your conversation partner’s thinking, and makes you memorable.
P.S. There’s an art and a science to sparkling conversation. Check out my 10 Steps to the Perfect Conversation.
“How to Win Friends & Influence People” by Dale Carnegie
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