Be Emotionally Horny
Episode #2 of the course Scientifically proven ways to increase your influence by Vanessa Van Edwards
Before we jump into today’s lesson, here’s a sneak peek of what’s to come for the rest of the course:
Day #2 (today): Be Emotionally Horny
Day #3: Let’s Get Physical
Day #4: Once Upon a Time
Day #5: Get Naked
Day #6: Favor Me
Day #7: Get Contagious
Day #8: BONUS! Color Psychology
Day #9: BONUS! Difficult People
Day #10: A Final Challenge
Today, let’s start with a story:
In the year 1867, there was a fierce battle being fought. The contenders were Benjamin Disraeli and William Gladstone. The prize? Becoming the next prime minister of England.
During the heat of the political battle, both men met a certain young female. They both asked her to lunch. As the dates took place, the press waited anxiously to see which man she liked better. Could this young female predict the outcome of the race?
Here’s what she said:
“After sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest person in England. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest person in England.”
Can you guess who won the election? Benjamin Disraeli became the prime minister.
Disraeli knew that to be important, he had to make others feel important.
Influence guru Dale Carnegie said, “To be interesting, you have to be interested.”
In other words, the more interested you are in others, the more interesting you seem to them.
The Research
Research has found that people love to talk about themselves.
– People spend 60% of conversations talking about themselves—and this jumps to 80% when communicating on social media platforms like Twitter or Facebook.
– Our brains change when we talk about ourselves.
Researcher Diana Tamir found that the most brain activation happens when people talk about themselves. And this activation doesn’t happen in just any area—it happens in the area of the brain associated with reward and motivation.
The Solution
Get people talking about themselves—and genuinely listen.
– Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of asking “What do you do?” ask, “How did you decide on your career path?”
– Ask Them to Dig Deeper: The most common rule in improv? The rule of “Yes, and….” The rule of “Yes, and…” means that during an improv scene, actors have to be open to whatever ideas are thrown into a scene. They have to accept what’s happening and then add to it.
Your Challenge
I challenge you to practice “Yes, and…” in action.
Let’s begin by practicing with online chat:
1. Go onto Facebook chat, Gchat, etc. and find an old friend, acquaintance, or colleague to catch up with. Warning: Do NOT choose an ex-lover—they will think you want to get back together. I learned this the hard way!
2. Ping them with, “Hey! It’s been a while. What’s been going on with you?
3. As you catch up, practice using “Yes, and…” for at least 10 minutes.
4. Practice until it feels natural, then try it in person!
To Your Success,
Vanessa
P.S. In one moment, I learned my first major secret to people. Watch this video to find out.
Recommended book
“Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People” by Vanessa Van Edwards
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