Tapping into Your Failure Mastermind Group
“Healing takes time, and asking for help is a courageous step.” —Mariska Hargitay
Welcome back, class!
Asking for help when you fail is tough, but voicing your failure and connecting with others helps you crowd-source your problem. You can use the best minds available to figure out what’s going wrong. This lesson will teach you why you should reach out to others, how to do so, and how to crowd-source the best feedback so you can get back on your feet.
Sharing with Rivals
You might be worried about sharing your situation with rivals or even potential rivals, as they could theoretically use this information against you or enjoy your misfortune. However, before you jump to that conclusion, you have to realistically assess:
a. how much of a rival this person really is
b. how honestly and fairly they will respond to your sharing
c. how much this information could really be used against you
d. the potential for your sharing of problems to engage someone (rival or not)
In an extreme case, sharing your problem with a potential rival could actually convert them into an ally. You can’t always expect this result but it is possible.
Trading misfortunes is one way that people bond. If you explain your problem and your presumed rival tells you about a problem of their own, then this mechanism is engaged. The tendency for reciprocity can be so strong that when someone else shares one of their problems with you, they might interpret it as a rejection if you do not then share one of your problems with them. After all, they have opened up and you have rejected their overture.
People Like to Help
People love to think highly of themselves. It’s simply human nature. For example, people can be helpful, smart, and clever, and they will go out of their way to show you those qualities if they have no other outlet for them. Furthermore, people want to finish the things they’ve started. Therefore, when you share your situation with people, they will likely be hooked on your riddle and will want to help you solve it.
People love to focus on someone else’s problems. It distracts them from their own issues and allows them to dispassionately apply their problem-solving skills to your life. By giving them your problem to consider, you are doing them a favor: They can stop thinking about their own problems and instead, enjoy working on yours.
Finally, let’s assume that this person is a real rival. How much can sharing something that has already happened actually hurt you in the future? That is, what use can your rival make of this information? You need to balance the potential use your rival could make of this information against the potential help they could give you and the potential for your sharing to improve the relationship between you and your rival.
Consider Your Friends
Do you have any friends who carried internal baggage for the longest time but were too ashamed to share it with you? If you would have known, would you have helped them immediately by at least getting them what they needed or helped them neutralize their shame?
We all think that we are fighting battles alone, but we aren’t. We just choose not to share our battles, and this makes us feel alone. We need to realize that potential sources of help are all around us. We need to make use of these sources by simply asking for help.
1. Open your bounce back journal to answer the following questions.
2. Spend time thinking deeply about your family and your friend group. What struggles have you seen those close to you dealing with? Did you see them reach out to anyone else for help or support? How was their situation improved by reaching out? Or, if they insisted on struggling alone, then whom do you think they could have reached out to for assistance? What would you have done if they had reached out to you?
3. Now think about your own struggles and consider who around you could lend you their support if you asked for it. Remember that help can come in many forms, and even just talking to someone close to you about your emotional state of mind can be therapeutic.
4. Reach out to at least one person you know, and share what you have been going through. Don’t overwhelm anyone with a lengthy explanation of your failure out of the blue, but do tell them briefly what happened and how it has been making you feel. Then listen to their response.
In our next lesson, we will learn about the 10-10-10 Rule and how it can be used to learn from your failure.
Share with friends